Saturday, April 24, 2010
Simply Living for Him
Lately I've been feeling very low, I know it's a mixture of hormones *yeah I'm almost 50* but I think I've had a bit of depression sneaking in with it. I find that at times like this I want to just turn off all communication with the outside world, it isn't that I don't realize everyone goes through hard times, it's just that I sometimes find myself living for the next day...you know, tomorrow will be better. Sadly that better day just hasn't been coming lately and I know it's just because of my age and things that go with it plus a bit of depression....but mainly it's because life is a bit complicated for us right now. Things are kind of up in the air over some issues and until that gets settled I'm just feeling in limbo.
Why is it that when we get to a certain age we feel like we should have accomplished this or that? I've always said that age means nothing to me but I do notice that I tend to look around and think that I should have done better with some things. You know:
*I should have lost the extra weight a long time ago....
*I should have done much better teaching algebra to the kids, my oldest was a whiz at math and helped me through it also since I was never good with algebra...
*maybe I could have done better with finances so we could have our farm we so hope to have....
*maybe I should have kept up friendships that I let go by the wayside....
*maybe I should color my hair so my young looking husband doesn't have a gray haired wife (he doesn't care, his is getting a bit gray also!)....the list goes on and on.
After praying and searching through the scriptures for answers and hope to get through these times I realized that all of the things I worry about not doing were simply the way things were and I can't change them now and some of those things I now see were meant to be such as:
*I can still lose the weight, it's up to me to work on that!
*My kids have learned a lot since they graduated, what I did give them was a thirst for knowledge and to always be learning something new....to me life's all about learning and experiencing new things, He gave us such a wonderful world to play in!!! Such beauty all around us!
*Dan worked out of town for 3 years to advance with Delta and I worked 4 jobs while he was gone and also raised the kids....I've truly done the best I can but I can work harder to trim spending even more, just because I'm turning 50 doesn't mean I can't still move to a farm, maybe that's my next 'season'!
*Some of the friendships I had to let go....they were using me as a dumping ground for complaining about their husbands and gossiping. I cannot listen to either of those things, a Christian has to guard themselves from sinful tongues or they might just join in. Don't want to go there as I detest gossip....such a horrid thing!
*Dan doesn't mind my gray and I really truly have worked hard at getting our home as chemical free as possible. Also, if I'm going to teach Katie about being a godly woman a big part of that is to pound down an feelings of vanity whenever they come to the surface.
My point in all of this is that I don't like to blog when the words are not pretty words but I need to quit that, life isn't always pretty and the point of blogging is to share with others and learn from the feedback...right?
Now, I'm back on track and am going to make myself blog daily. I've found that it has really helped me just sitting here typing it all out. Things don't look nearly as bleak as I thought they were 'in my mind'!
This blog is called Living Simply for Him for a reason...that's the most basic and the ultimate goal every minute of every day!
God bless you my dear friends!