Friday, October 16, 2009

Simply Choosing the Road to the Cross

I've spent many years as a Christian, most of those I must say, were an idyllic fantasy of thinking I was living for Him. My choices were my own choices, I didn't consult His Word nor did I pray about most decisions, I just wore my Christianity as a pretty adornment, I was overflowing with the pride of being a Christian.
What a fool I was, what a sad, sad fool I was. You see I was sure that going to church once a week and raising my children in the church were all that was needed. Yes, I was very involved, most weeks I was at Church almost every day. I taught Sunday school, attended meetings on Saturday, worked for the Mother's Day Out program, attended on Wednesday nights, etc. If I was not working at the church I was visiting the office staff just to say hello, etc. Well now, I was a Christian because I wore it well, folks saw me at church so I must be a good Christian. Such a fool I was.
In some recent years I've learned so much from my children. Yes, I homeschooled them and taught them but they have shown and taught me so much more than I have ever taught them. You see, I've always taught them to put Christ first and to hold tight to the Scriptures, as that's where we find the answers to the questions we need answered. Looking back I see that they bypassed me a very long time ago. As children they saw the truth in the Word and chose to live that every day, not in the showy way of attending church because for quite a few years we didn't attend church, there simply was no church in our area that taught as we believed. Since we did not have a church to attend they simply dove in and found the answers for themselves, and those answers were thrown in my face time and time again.
Growing up I never thought about whether it was important to tell the truth all the time, I've even known pastors that have told lies, little small white lies can't be that bad...can they?
Suddenly I had three young people listening to every word I said and catching me repeatedly in those little white lies and sometimes they were not so little, they were whoppers! I attempted to justify them again and again but my children would have none of that. They would simply say, 'It either is or it isn't, which one?'. I actually had arguments with my children about this, I was just so very sure of myself and hey I was the adult here...but you know what happened?...they pointed me to the scriptures..the very ones I had led them to search..and many, many times they found falsehoods in my daily life. This was very humbling I must say and I was so very prideful and telling them they just didn't understand, anything to justify my actions, I couldn't have my children thinking I didn't have all the answers!
They say pride comes before the fall...well, I fell and I fell hard, I had to really look at my life and see what I had become and it was not good, instead of delving into the scriptures or spending time in prayer I had been busy in church and thought that was what made me a good Christian. Once again, such a fool!
I spent a long time thinking about what they had been telling me and eventually had to apologize to them for my false arguments, this was really hard because I am the parent...I am supposed to know it all and have it all together, I would like to say that life changed at that point and I really started to get my act together but in fact problems starting coming up that I could not fix and in that situation I dropped myself at the foot of the Cross and asked Him to take it all, I had finally learned that I had to die to self daily and lift up the cross, my job is to be an empty vessel for him to use, not a vessel full of my own hot air.
Sometimes it's from the voice of our children that we see the ugly truths about ourselves, a tough thing to face but for me it changed everything. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them. Today we celebrate our oldest son's 25th birthday, these have been the most incredible years of my life, I simply love being a wife and mother! My cup runneth over from His showers of blessings!

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