Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Isn't it amazing how you can be sailing along in life, accomplishing things in the moment with an intensity that seems to just be surging you ahead when suddenly everything comes to an abrubt halt? Life can be that way can't it? I find that I'm prone to diving in headlong to projects with such tenacity that I forget the things around me, I can actually zone myself out to the things around me and even forget that the world is still going on all around me with my one and only focus on the project at hand. In print that seems like a pretty good attribute, but in reality it is so very selfish that I'm ashamed of myself for getting so caught up in 'doing' that I forget to live and to enjoy the things around me.
I have self diagnosed ADD so it's incredible that I can focus on anything but the truth is that a project I want to do will be more of a priority than something someone wants me to do, in other words I can get so caught up in me that I forget others and their needs. I despise that about myself and daily struggle to make it no so but it is so very difficult.
For instance I will start on a sewing project that may take a few days and that's the only thing focus that I have, I will listen to my family talk, etc. but my focus is on my project and stays that way until I finish it. Dan might come to me asking me to sew on a button or do some small thing for him but my first inclination is to put it aside until my project is finished. I imagine that it might have something to do with ADD, I mean I can't accomplish anything if I have too many irons in the fire and life gets to be way too hectic so then I tend to simply shut down and get nothing accomplished.
If you've ever read Side-tracked Home Executives you'll get a true glimpse into my life, I can completely relate to everything in that book....and that is a sad, sad truth because the entire book is about getting sidetracked when you're needing to focus on one project. Now when I say all I think about is the project I'm working on the sad truth is I do more thinking about it than doing because the situation needs to be just right for me to want to get a project finished and having clutter and chaos keeps me from focusing at that moment.
I know so very well that getting my home, life and head clutter free will be so freeing for me because I won't have to do this, this and this to be able to do this, this and this...the area will be clutter free and I can just automatically focus on it so I won't have to worry about clearing off this space to do something, it will already be clear! I am so desperately wanting things just completely cleared out but life just gets in the way. So many situations come up that are out of my control but the way I deal with them is not out of my control, being ahead of the game is such a key element and I just don't seem to ever get there. For instance, for months I've needed to take my sons suit to the cleaners but I just kept putting it off, then suddenly we have two funerals in two weeks and he 'needs' his suit. Now, if I would have just thought ahead and had it cleaned I wouldn't have had to get it done in the midst of the grief and getting other things done quickly that needed to be done. These things are so frustrating for me but I can't seem to ever get to that point of being prepared for things.
I'm thinking that maybe I need to make me a full list of what needs to be done and then just do it step by step and the best thing is to bring Christopher and Katie in on it with me because they do not like clutter at all so they'll help me make those difficult decisions with the things I want to cling to so tightly, it's all about a goal and I know when it's written down I will do it because I love to mark things off as they're finished.
My goal is simplifying is so very real and coming closer each day, I just need to stick to the path and not let myself get 'sidetracked'!!!

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